When you're having a bad day...

This is my brother's very favorite thing on the internet. He loves to show it to people. After I found out that the window to Paul's avalanche was busted, I went straight for this video because it always makes me laugh.

My brother says that if he were a millionaire, he would own some of these just so that he could have something to come home and yell at when he was having a particularly bad day.

So if you're having a bad day, ENJOY!

When you say nothing at all...

Upon hearing that a bunch of punk A$$ mother-BLEEP-ing, pip-squeek punks - who have nothing else better to do than go around costing people hundreds of dollars - busted out the window of Paul’s vehicle during the middle of the night…AND DIDN’T EVEN STEAL ANYTHING:

Me: I wish you would have been rounding the corner right when they were busting through that window. Can you image how I bunch of 110 pound punks would react to seeing you round the corner right at the moment of impact?

Paul: Geesh honey. Relax. How do you know there were 110 lb kids?

Me: Because lately, everyone looks about 110 lbs to me.

Paul: Honey. I think you would have been more of a threat to them right now than I would have been.

Me: Really? Why??? You’re the 300 lb lineman!

Paul: [silence]

Me: [noting his inclusion of the words “right now”] I gotcher back there, Tiny.


I bought a weird thing.

Some people call it a crib.

It's used, but I bought it from a really cool guy at work who happens to be done baby making. As he was loading it in my car I kept thinking, "Holy shit, there's a crib being loaded in to my car. Why????"

Oh yeah, I have a baby in my stomach.

Or cervix.

Whatever. You get the point.

Anyway, this was a big step for me. I'm really trying to go the economical route with baby item purchasing thing because I heard that having a kid can be fairly expensive. So, when my kid complains later on in life that we gave him/her a USED crib, I can retort with, "Dude, you got a used crib so you could get a shiny, brand new college education. Quit 'yer bitchin."

In fact, in an effort to keep it economical, the other day I went to a "Mothers of Multiples" garage sale. By myself. I almost had a panic attack looking at all of the strollers with seats for three, and the various clothes and baby fence things and booster seats. I hope I didn't alarm the other mothers when I ran back to my jeep screaming like a lunatic.

The good news is after I thought about that experience a bit more, it actually brought me a great sense of relief. As in OH MY GOD THEY HAD THREE KIDS AT ONCE AND I ONLY HAVE TO HAVE ONE.

This weekend my sister took in some more garage sales with me, and it was a much more pleasant experience. I even bought a baby changing table thing. So, progress. It's all still sitting in our basement right now, but when I decide what non-gender specific color to paint the room, we'll work on step two, which is coating both those items (crib and baby changing table thing) with three coats of lead based paint.

Just kidding. We'll use a primer so we don't have to do three coats. Duh.

But I'm serious about the non-gender thing...we're going to keep it a surprise till the end. Why not! I do know, now, however, that there really is a baby in there because I can feel it moving around now. And that's cool. Not gonna lie.

Anyway, onward and upward with the Megan and Paul Baby Extravaganza. More updates to come, I'm sure!


I appreciate all food that comes in tube form.

Because I can no longer drink as I am with child, I'm finding myself living vicariously through the drinking habits of others. My friend Jill knows this, so she has now resorted to sending me videos that accomplish this.

The following short film is something I can imagine my friend Jill and I to have done when we were roomates in college. Except A) we didn't cook, and...I forgot what B was.

My mom will not like this video. When you first start watching it, you think, "Oh no, a drunk girl got ahold of the camera." But she's actually pretty hilarious:

Then when I was reading through the comments of another "drunk kitchen" episode I saw this:

"it really upsets me that you're a lesbian, not because I don't support gay rights (because I do), but because I'm 1) a straight male, and 2) so ridiculously in love with you."

Well, I'm a little in love with you now, comment boy.

I think I shall go make a tube food now. Good bye.
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