[My mom, with Semisi, the day we took him home from the hospital.]
Tonight my mom went home after having been here since Semisi's birth, and it's difficult for me even now to think of the words I could use to thank her for her presense during the transition of bringing out little man home. Tonight, for the first time, it's just Paul, Semisi, and Me, and tomorrow, it will just be my son and I.
Wow. My son.
My mom told me once that having a kid is like losing a parent in terms of the depth with which it impacts your life...only in reverse, because it's a joyous occasion and obviously you're bringing someone in to the world rather than saying good-bye. I could relate to this, because when I lost my father over two and a half years ago (good God...it's been that long?), I remember feeling like my friends who hadn't lost a parent - though AMAZINGLY supportive in every way possible, simply couldn't understand the way it changes your life. Someday they will, but after my Dad passed away, I had a deep connection with those friends of mine who'd lost parents. It was a sort of "knowing"...an unspoken understanding...particularly with the friends of mine who'd lost a parent to cancer, as that's a cruel disease and a terrifying way to watch someone pass from this life to the next.
Now that I'm a parent, I feel as though I have an understanding among my friends who are also parents. Let me be clear: many are probably like, "FINALLY! She GETS it." Certainly I'm no WISER than I was before, but I am already beginning to see the world they way they've seen it since their children entered their lives. I'll continue to learn, they'll continue to suppress their "I told you so's", but from here on out I understand that nothing will be the same.
There will now always be three where there was once two.
At least until he's 18.
Right Semisi? You will be 18, and not 32...RIGHT?
Because of what my mom said to me that day, when my husband suggested, were we to have a son, we name him SEMISI, Tongan for James, after my father, I couldn't think of anything more fitting. His middle name, Michael, is my step-father's first name.
So welcome little man. You've got a lot to live up to. Either way, we still love you...because after all, that's what parenthood is about. I've already learned this much.
[Me, with my Dad...30 years ago.]
Hope you enjoyed some lasagna! You'll knock mommyhood out of the park flying solo!
ReplyDeleteThis made me tear up...I also have lost my dad & you summed it up perfectly. I had tears of joy & sorrow when both my kiddos were born as my dad wasn't around to meet his grandchildren. Although I know he's watching from above, it's still hard. Gage has his Papa Jerry's middle name &, you're right, has a lot to live up to:) Love to you & that adorable little munchie!!!!!
ReplyDeleteMR...haven't eaten it yet. Plan to pull that out when we're exhausted, can't fathom cooking anything and then one of us turns to the other in a near drunken, sleep deprived stupor and says, "The LASAGNA! The EFFING LASAGNA! YES!"
ReplyDelete@Erica - thanks for the kind words! Much love to ya!
ReplyDeleteDearest Megan, it will never be two again. It will always be three. 18 means nothing. When your boy turns 18 and goes off to have his own life, it will still be three. You and Paul will always think of him, he'll always be with you every day, you'll never ever stop thinking about him, wondering how he is, hoping he's happy, wishing his life to be good. He'll always be your son, always be your little boy. You're never just Megan, now. You're always a mom, now, somebody's mom. That's the best thing, I think. You're always somebody's mom. And speaking from experience, it's THE SWEETEST THING EVER (except when you're tearing your hair out).
ReplyDeleteI love the picture of you and Jim, and the one of your mom and Semisi is precious. You managed to post this on the 30th anniversary of my dad passing from cancer, so yeah, I'm bawling my eyes out... <3
ReplyDeleteYOU HAVE A SON. Holy crap.
ReplyDeleteAnd also, awesome. I love the name, love the story behind it.